i am

I am... a little bit stronger

I want... to live as if there was no tomorrow

I have... the best husband in the world

I wish... heaven wasn't so far away

I hate... negativity

I fear... another miscarriage and that we won't be able to have kids of our own

I hear... country music playing

I search... for ways to better myself and my relationship with God

I wonder... where we'll be 10 years down the road

I regret... nothing, my mistakes have made me who I am and I wouldn't change them for the world

I love... my husband, my family and my friends

I ache... to have a better relationship with God

I always... mean well, even if doesn't come out that way the first time

I usually... have a date night with my husband at least once a week

I am not... alone

I dance... usually when no one is watching, simply because I can't dance :)

I sing... everyday

I never... say how I feel when I should

I try... to see good in everybody

I cry... when I feel like I've failed

I am not always... a people person

I lose... motivation too easily

I need... to have the passion to work out

I should... contact some old friends 

Who are you?

{post idea from Our Love Never Fails}

TV Grandpa

Grandpa,

Do you remember what I used to call you?  Not to your face, but when I would speak of you or about you, you were always TV Grandpa (and Grandma).  This would simply explain the difference between you and my other grandparents, who never owned a TV. So I had a TV grandma and grandpa and a chalkboard grandma and grandpa.

Do you remember when I used to sit on your lap, and would empty the pocket you had on your shirt?  Every time I did this I would find the same things; a pen, a notebook, a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes.  We made this a habit; something I had to do every time I came to your house.  It was our thing.

Even to this day, when I smell cigarette smoke, I think of you.  I know it was a habit that you were never proud of.  After you had your heart attack, you quit smoking.  Almost 2 years and you were smoke free. I was so proud of you, Grandpa.    

I wish I would have told you more that I loved you.  But that's not really how we did things.  I think we've always both had an understanding of our love; you were my grandpa and I was your granddaughter.  You had ten grandchildren, and acquired three more through marriage.  You were always so proud of all of us, despite our differences.

Grandpa, you were stubborn, but something changed in you the last couple of months you were here with us on earth.  You were soft, kindhearted, and so grateful for the life you had.  I admire this about you.

My mom is still very sad knowing that you're gone, but she's strong, like you. The night you passed, she had to bring grandma home and she stayed strong the whole time. You would have been proud of her.

Grandma is healing, but she still has sadness in her eyes.  She had said that it was easier having you here, even though you were suffering.  She misses having you around.

You probably have met your great-grandchild already.  My heart is still sad knowing that they can't be with me and Dave, but I'm so happy that they can be with you and their heavenly Father. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant almost a week after you passed. I'm praying the Lord will bless Dave & I with more children.

We're all okay though, Grandpa.  We miss you and it's not the same without you.

Love:

Jody

pure bliss

As I look back on my life thus far and see how far I've come, it's pure bliss. My testimony changes so often, especially this year, losing baby Funk and two grandpas. It hasn't been an easy year.

Growing up as a "people-pleaser", I had these inner battles with my mind.  I would literally lay in bed for hours fighting with my thoughts.  If somebody offended me, hurt me, wronged me; if someone close to me was in trouble, and I couldn't do anything about it; if I offended someone with my actions...all of these things would literally kill my inmost being.

I am proud to say that I have done a lot of growing up. People's random opinions of me aren't as important because I know who I am. If someone offends me or is rude to me, it doesn't matter...honestly. Only very few people's opinions matter and those same people can make me lie in bed awake at night.

With the help of God, I have taught myself that if I treat others the way I want to be treated, that's all that matters.  Even if these same people don't treat me the same way back.  I will always strive to love, even if I've been wronged.  I will strive to love, even if I've been offended.  I will love myself, even if I've been discouraged. Once again, I know who I am and who my parents raised me to be.

Don't get me wrong, I have my days.  But I know that I can always go home and vent to my husband...my safe place.  Trust me, I take advantage of this. This keeps me going and he is constantly checking me and encouraging me. I am blessed.

I know the person I want to be, and I'm not quite there yet.  I will strive to be that person every day of my life.